Sensitive Boys ... by Island Girl

Island Girl is one of my best friends from high school and we've been lucky enough to remain close and at the same college. I love her! You should love her too:

Call it a tragedy, but I always fall for sensitive boys. They tell me their feelings and we frolic in the land of emotion together. Eww. It's disgusting, and sadly I think I've subconsciously programmed myself to hone in on these boys.

It makes sense though. Women were created to be nurturers; we are loving and caring creatures. Attentive to the problems of the weary and the sad in spirit. Call me a Suzie Sunshine, but I love making people happy, cheering up their day, and putting a smile on their face.

Sensitive nice guys love this about women like myself and whether or not they know it, they enjoy it selfishly. I can't generalize, but most sensitive guys I've come across are only concerned about one thing- using you as an outlet to express their problems and feelings.

Obviously they can't express their feelings to their bros because that'd be emasculating, so they come running to the Suzie Sunshine in their life, pull up a chair, bring the tissues and dish.

I asked one of my good girl friends why she thought I was attracted to these kind of guys and why they were to me.

"You're a problem solver. You like to fix things. Guys come to you with their problems, you listen and offer advice."

ah-ha! So, those sensitive guys fill my need to be needed and I fill their need to be listened to. It seems so simple and black and white, but feelings always get involved and mix things up.

Prime example:

I had developed a friendship/relationship with this guy and we became pretty close. Our friendship developed during a time when he was having a hard time with his emotionally void girlfriend and I provided an outlet for his emotional needs.

This was the perfect situation for a Suzie Sunshine like me: This boy needed me! I loved being able to be there for him. Needless to say, I fell hard for this boy.

This went on for three months; then, nothing.

He broke up with his girlfriend, which I coached him through (ugh, so pathetic, I know), and all of a sudden, he didn't need me anymore.

humph.

Being the emotionally eager individual I am, I didn't realize his selfish demeanor until he IM'ed me last night

emotionally needy boy: we never talk anymore :(

(a month and a half since we've talked)

We talked about HIS day, how HE was doing, how stressful school was going for Him, etc. Common theme: All we talked about was him. Honestly, not once in an hour and a half did he ask a single question about me.

I'm not mad at him, or the situation. I just think its funny and maybe a little eye opening. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he was intentionally being selfish, but I certainly don't want to play these games anymore, it's too emotionally frustrating.

I love forming emotional connections with the opposite sex, but it comes with dangerous territory.

My problem now is this: how do I emotionally connect with a guy in a way that doesn't drag me down or better yet, how do I stop emotionally investing in someone who won't invest back?

Guest Bloggers...

...Seem to be the perfect solution until I graduate and don't have homework any more and can actually be a good, consistent blogger.

Plus I'm trying to figure out how I actually want to write about my new man, or if I want to, and he knows I write one and I challenged him to find it. So, he's probably reading it like right....now.

Maybe by reading how crazy my friends are about boys you'll understand how we all fuel each other.

Act Like a Man

I love stumbling across blogs, written by people as nerdy and excited about one topic as I am.

Edward Keenan's Act Like a Man blog is an interesting read. Basically, his goal is to get "guys" to well...do the title.

Why do so many "guys" prefer not to be called "men," and shirk their responsibilities and be less romantic and miscommunicate with the girls they crush on? I always blamed it on the rise of feminism, but Ed (we're so totally on a first-name basis) thinks that's a totally lame excuse.

Recently, a cute boy asked me, "Are you a feminist?"

I said no. I think partially because I wanted him to like me. But also because I would have no problem staying home, cooking delicious food, and raising beautiful babies.

However, both the cute boy and good ol' Ed made me realize my wrong ways.

The definition of feminism is simply advocating equal political (and social) rights between men and women. Why yes! I DO want to be treated equally!

Well...almost. I want to be treated special. Because I get to have babies.

Not yet, obviously, and I would probably even like the chance at a career before that happens. And I want someone to help me make and make a home for those babies.

So, can I have a career and have some babies AND not emasculate my baby-making partner? Ed thinks so. Ed also thinks that partner should step it up.

I think I found a cute boy who is stepping it up. Oh no, am I actually dating a MAN!? Not a "guy?" Not simply a cute boy?

Best date idea ever....

And by "idea," I mean, this actually happened. His idea.

We wrote a song and then recorded it.

It's the perfect date - active, creative, CHEAP (well, if you already have a guitar and/or recording software I suppose), and still plenty of opportunity for flirting and/or chemistry and/or double-entendres in the lyrics.

Holla. Why do I have to graduate now that I may or may not have found a decent JMU guy?

An interesting follow-up

I'm currently researching the effects of new media (the internet? blogs? i'm not sure how specific to get yet) on politics (partisanship? bias? again...the specifics have as yet alluded me).

While reading this article, based on a speech from a democracy conference in 2000, I came across this paragraph:

Now, the new technology allows us to talk to people all across the world. But as far as I can make out, our problem is, we don’t know how to talk to our neighbors. We look to Bosnia, we look to Africa, yet we can’t talk to each other. People can’t talk to their wives and husbands and children. Yet we are celebrating that we can now talk to strangers across the world. The democracies we have in small nations are not working very well yet wse hope to have a global democracy because of the new technology?

Generally, I've learned how to talk to my roommates, am working on my friends and family, and am in the middle of changing how I talk to potential dates.

And here I am, naively blogging, I think opening my audience to the whole world. Who am I kidding?

Communication

I think being a communicator has messed up my dating life a little bit.

My roommate met a cute boy this weekend, and got him to ask her out by being elusive.

"When can I see you again?" he asked, that first night.

"When do you want to see me again?" she coyly responded.

After some back and forth, they finally had their first pseudo-date tonight. When she came home and told us all about it (as girls so often over-analyze and digest and celebrate and get jealous), one thing she said she asked him is how he feels about piercings.

"Why, do you have one?" he asked, quite logically after her question.

She shrugged, so coyly, then asked, "How do you feel about tattoos?"

"Well, it depends! You've got to have one if you're asking, right?"

She shrugged, ever so coyly.

I have tried my hardest, especially in the past year, to be a clear communicator. Boldness comes with this territory, and I've had to take a deep breath and make myself tell a boy I like him before. Why not be honest? Why not tell him what he wants to hear? Why not make everything easier in the long run by establishing trust and sincerity upfront?

Well, I have dated about four guys in the past three months of this year. Every single one of them I've considered myself a decently honest person. And they all seemed to appreciate it at the time.

I know it's soon, but my roommate already has a second date lined up and cutesy texts like, "tonight was perfect."

I don't really talk to any of those guys I was trying to communicate clearly with anymore. Maybe I should stop communicating and start teasing/intriguing, like my hott roommate. Separate my professional goals from my personal.

Jalisco, Mexico

Our airplane shrank above the ground, a rainbow

Blessing our tropical journey with the flock

Of students bobbing sleepy heads to balk

At napping. I turned my eyes down below,

Where I imagined Mexican farmers sow

Their fields of patchwork quilts and ticking clocks,

Nested in pop-up mountains being mocked

By an American vacation’s shadow.

At the hotel, bare chests distract me by day

While it’s tequila squared that gets me at night.

Add to the list green waves and smiling faces

And I’m a camera-happy tourist who pays

No mind to local salesmen dressed in white,

Like saviors to our money and Spanish phrases.