Possible reveal

I've been watching too much HGTV, mostly because it's all my mom watches. All the designers in their little Disney Channel-esque interludes (remember those? "Disney Channel stars are just like you!" except they are famous actors. No big deal. But anyway!) between shows talk about how they love "the reveal!" Anyway...now that the possibly witty intro to this post got butchered by too many asides...

Dear John,

I gave you the link to my other blog tonight. In a differently related context. And maybe you're curious enough to wander over to this one. Maybe you're not.

If you are here - hello! I had played with the idea of giving you this link all along. And I'm not really ashamed of any of my whinings. And sort of proud of my growings, not in a small part to this blog/other journal entires/lyrics I have written.

If you do not come by, it's just as well.

And that brings us to the age-old: if a tree falls in a forest...

Love,
Heart

Following in the Family Tradition?

My parents met at work oh say, about 27 years ago. They dated for about three months until my dad's job got transferred to Orlando (they were in Virginia).

Well, it had only been three months, so they decided to break up. He was moving after all, they didn't want to do long distance, and the "timing" just seemed all wrong. Had they been dating any longer, maybe they would have considered an alternate solution. But both of them had stable jobs - just on different parts of the coast. Why worry about taking care of each other when they had to be in different places just to take care of themselves?

Within a month of being separate, they knew something was wrong. My mom was crying her eyes out every night. My dad sort of dated around but all the women seemed sketchy and lame, since it seemed the only thing to do in Orlando was bar hop.

Within two months, my dad was back up north, visiting family for Thanksgiving. But here is where their stories get a little muddy. My dad says they were engaged by November, but my mom doesn't remember being engaged during the Holidays - she said he asked her to marry her in February (Valentine's day? cute). They got married in May, so either three months or six months after they got engaged, and around a year after they started dating.

Later, my dad explained to me the confusion: he had made up his mind by November. Everything had been cleared up in his head, in his relationships, and his prayers: he knew he wanted to build a life with my mom by November.

Now I don't know what happened between knowing and asking (and even once he asked, according to my mom, there was no ring for a few weeks, a thing that all her girlfriends stupidly whined about). And I know this was 1981 and not 2008. And I know my mom was 25 and my dad was 27. And who knows what the difference in the definition of "marriage" is between then and now (that's a complicated enough topic for a whole separate blog!). And I know they have not had anywhere close to a perfect marriage.

But I DO know that I want to be with the bf. And I DO know that he invited me to move cross-country with him. And I DO know - and am confident in - the definition of love. And now I really know (and am not confused anymore) why my parents sort of support me (none of my friends believe my parents would let me do this).

(As long as I go into this with a clear head and open and honest communication and smarts) So do the other unknowns really matter all that much?

An interesting follow-up

I'm currently researching the effects of new media (the internet? blogs? i'm not sure how specific to get yet) on politics (partisanship? bias? again...the specifics have as yet alluded me).

While reading this article, based on a speech from a democracy conference in 2000, I came across this paragraph:

Now, the new technology allows us to talk to people all across the world. But as far as I can make out, our problem is, we don’t know how to talk to our neighbors. We look to Bosnia, we look to Africa, yet we can’t talk to each other. People can’t talk to their wives and husbands and children. Yet we are celebrating that we can now talk to strangers across the world. The democracies we have in small nations are not working very well yet wse hope to have a global democracy because of the new technology?

Generally, I've learned how to talk to my roommates, am working on my friends and family, and am in the middle of changing how I talk to potential dates.

And here I am, naively blogging, I think opening my audience to the whole world. Who am I kidding?

Communication

I think being a communicator has messed up my dating life a little bit.

My roommate met a cute boy this weekend, and got him to ask her out by being elusive.

"When can I see you again?" he asked, that first night.

"When do you want to see me again?" she coyly responded.

After some back and forth, they finally had their first pseudo-date tonight. When she came home and told us all about it (as girls so often over-analyze and digest and celebrate and get jealous), one thing she said she asked him is how he feels about piercings.

"Why, do you have one?" he asked, quite logically after her question.

She shrugged, so coyly, then asked, "How do you feel about tattoos?"

"Well, it depends! You've got to have one if you're asking, right?"

She shrugged, ever so coyly.

I have tried my hardest, especially in the past year, to be a clear communicator. Boldness comes with this territory, and I've had to take a deep breath and make myself tell a boy I like him before. Why not be honest? Why not tell him what he wants to hear? Why not make everything easier in the long run by establishing trust and sincerity upfront?

Well, I have dated about four guys in the past three months of this year. Every single one of them I've considered myself a decently honest person. And they all seemed to appreciate it at the time.

I know it's soon, but my roommate already has a second date lined up and cutesy texts like, "tonight was perfect."

I don't really talk to any of those guys I was trying to communicate clearly with anymore. Maybe I should stop communicating and start teasing/intriguing, like my hott roommate. Separate my professional goals from my personal.

Rescue by Eve 6

Though I'm in a poetry-writing class now and have come to appreciate the art form much more than I did back in high school, I still generally enjoy song lyrics as my favorite form of "poetry." Lyrics can be just as witty and visual as poetry (especially Eve 6's), but most poets would probably argue lyrics are too cliche. But cliches just give us something to understand and relate to!

(My dad is an avid musician who goes to a lot of open mic nights. Noticing the "emo" trend, he often comes home and says "Someone needs to tell these kids that not every page in their diary can be song lyrics! Give me a cliche, give me something to hold onto!" I am probably biased by his classic rock bias.)

Listening to Eve 6 while writing a brief homework assignment - but my poem about spring break in Mexico up behind that - these lyrics hit me. It's almost exactly what happened to me last week in a bar in Puerto Vallarta filled with multinational non-JMU (yay!) attractive men (and of course two of my amazing sexy, but spoken-for roommates):

Well I kind of sort of knew what was going to happen
When she put her number down on a restaurant napkin
She said goodbye I think the words were when you're back in
Town lets have each other again I'll come around and see you again

Long story short, I had a more-innocent-than-normal (for spring break standards anyway) rendez-vous with a beautiful Canadian (could he be any more geographically unavailable?). When we met, trying not to rely on expensive roaming cellphones, Eve 6 explains exactly what I did - wrote all my information on a napkin for him.

The boys of Eve 6 wrote this song 8 years ago, so of course now we can rely on cell phones and email more and there's always facebook to socialize long-distance. Or so I hope.

"I definitely want to keep in touch with you. There have been facebook marriage proposals before, right?" he half-joked with me on the second-to-last night of our vacation.

After a long goodnight, we made plans to meet the next day. Here the napkin plan hiccuped - he only had my information. So when I didn't hear from him, I had no other option but to wait. And go home. And not know his last name. And not be able to stalk him on facebook (uh, I mean friend! Friend him on facebook!).

Here's the chorus of Rescue:

Like Jessica Rabbit she collects bad habits gets her drinks for free
Animated vixen stole cupids arrow and came to rescue me
In the blink of an eyelid my lid opened up and I could see
That she'd come to rescue me

First of all, I'd always thought the "drinks" in the first line was really "trix." Rabbit, you know? Yeah yeah... I can be naive. On the other hand, I know I have a tendency to want to rescue boys, so am I turning into Jessica Rabbit? Developing the bad habit of only dating geographically unavailable men? I don't like how these lyrics sound...

A bumpersticker I saw today said

"Smile. It's the second-best thing you can do with your lips."

I smiled (it convinced me I guess), and giggled (out loud, then looked around with concern that anyone walking around in the parking lot who probably thought I was crazy), and then my thoughts automatically turned to what would be the first best thing to do with your lips.

Kissing came to my mind obviously. Then slightly dirtier things (hey, I'm just glad those thoughts didn't come first).

Of course I would think about the dating things you do with your mouth. But what about eating, talking (okay I guess you do this while dating too), singing, or making funny faces or something?

What is the best thing to do with your lips?

Deep Thoughts via AIM

I've been spending too much time on instant message lately. But it's been good research, and very thought-provoking.

I suppose, like me (let's be honest here) everyone can put a little more thought into what they're writing/typing than just b.s.-ing around.

A former resident: college life is fictional, its not real, nothing like the real world at all, trying to start a relationship in this fictional world doesnt work, it certainly wont last, so i say, wait until ur out of college, have a job in the REAL world, then make your moves

My roommate's boyfriend, when I thought I was talking to my roommate: seriously, you know what you should do? relax, and just have fun with the guy

When I told my match-maker friend about this comment:

My match-maker friend: lets do that
My match-maker friend: i've been a lot better about that recently, actually
My match-maker friend: but boys are way more fun when they do what you want them too

So true! But mean! And then (no joke), she preceeded to send me a facebook link of a picture to see if I thought this guy was cute, because he needs a date. Typical.

Can I getcho' numba girrrrl

I love New York City.

I got asked out twice in one day.

Now, I don't say this to brag - just as a fact. A surprising fact.

How did I respond? Well, I gave both of them my number, but I wasn't particularly interested in either. Do I:

a) take the free drink/coffee/dinner date
b) don't call them back to not lead them on
c) be adventurous and give them a serious chance
d) be wary because there are a lot of creep-jobs out there

Number Guy 1 called four times while I was at work today. Only left one message. That kiiiiind of leads me to go with choice d). Good idea?

More on Military Men

These past few weeks my crush that generally every girl has on a man in uniform has definitely become exponentially more serious.

Over spring break, one of my best and blondest girl friends went clubbing in DC (the night after we had just gone together) and met some cute boys there. They turned out to be marines, she had a fabulous time with them, and they invited her to come hang out with them on base. So on the last night of spring break I got a call: "Wanna go on an adventure??"

I was feeling melancholy because I had had no romantic adventures (thanks to D3 more or less standing me up...see Apple Pie below for more on that) over SPRING (see more on that below too!) break. I agreed to said adventure: "Heck yes!"

We drove and drove for a totally worthwhile time with these men who were so appreciative of female company that they were willing to you know, like, actually pay attention to us, and you know, like, treat us with respect.

They were cuddly while we were watching a movie and good leaders on the dance floor and clapped enthusiastically when we decided to sing "Friends in Low Places" for karaoke (yeah - ouch, bad choice).

And! When they said they would call us the next day, they actually did, even though I was back at school two hours away and they were back to training to defend our country.

Two weekends ago I returned to the DC clubs for another friend's totally glamorous - think leis, Wegman's catering, champagne toasts, and stretch Excursion limos - 21st birthday. We walked in our own private entrance (oh Fergie would be proud) and I turned to my friend: "I see military boys! I will dance with one of them by the end of the night!"

And so I did (I love being decisive). I think I sort of made the first move by dancing near him, catching eye contact, and moving in closer, but whatever. Somehow I - the ultimate non-feminist hater-of-forward-girls - have become an initiator. But I digress.

He was a fabulous dancer (the Naval Academy trains 'em well) and fun to laugh with on the techno floor, where the bass was so loud it took control of my heart beat. We exchanged numbers, I left him to find my friends, and he came up to say goodbye when it was time to leave. And then we texted pretty much the entire limo ride home. And he texted the next morning to say hello again!

Now, texting is not my favorite way of communication, but I'll take it. That is dedication to finding a girl and at least pretending to want to hold on to her for more than one night.

I've got a bluff for why these men are so gloriously manly.

At JMU, where at least 60% of the population is female, a guy seeing an attractive young lady is a multiple-times-a-day occurrence. I imagine they see something pleasing to the eye and think "Hmph. Great. Another hott girl. I'll wait to approach any of them 'til I find a drunk one though." (Okay, I embellished a little bit and did not give boys the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, there must be a sense of nonchalance).

In the marines or in Annapolis on the other hand, these poor guys are surrounded by, at the very least, probably 80% guys. So when they see a member of the fairer sex, they actually are in awe, or at least feel the need to appreciate them and really treat them as something special and precious - something to be revered.

Don't all girls deserve to be treated like that by all guys?

Then, last week, I was watching the news - of course I had read the headlines about the British marines and sailors being held captive and then freed by Iran - and saw a video of them arriving at Heathrow airport finally. The first thought by hormone-wired young-adult brain had was, "Oo military boys! With accents! So cute!"

And then it hit me. These boys who I have fallen in love with as a group are really men, who actually put themselves in danger, specifically to protect you and me, every day. I always knew in the back of my mind that guys my age are joining the military and that guys who join the military have to go overseas at some point to do the dirty work I don't like to think about. But I hadn't put the two - attraction and duty - together until that very moment.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For your service...

And for knowing how to date/treat girls almost just about right.

'Make Another Apple Pie!' OR Why Boys are Confusing

Spring has sprung. I can tell, not just because of the baby doll dresses, puppies and Frisbees on the quad, but also because of the abundance of cute couples.

I was walking back from a dance concert last weekend with two guy friends (and residents. I’m an RA, so no one is allowed to be more than a friend anyway who lives in my dorm) and we passed at least four couples in a row. We didn’t see a single single person, but we did literally see eight people holding hands (not all together of course) in a row.

Obviously, I’m a hopeless romantic and generally go “aww” (either out loud or in my head, depending on the situation) when I see one of these intertwined beings. But seeing four couples in a row – that’s just pushing it.

And it’s not just a lame girl thing, either. The boys noticed it too, and brought it up before I did! “What’s up with all these couples?”

My good friend and former roommate had bluff. During the winter, these couples are hiding away, snuggling in blankets by fires. But now that it is warmer, they have come out to frolic!

How fabulous for the rest of us.

There’s a whole other side spring, though too. I remember two springs in a row, when I started to feel very itchy in my relationship. Boys generally somehow become more attractive in the spring, and both times I felt ready to break things off for no other reason than to date more people!

Last year, a friend and all the girls in her house who were in relationships broke up with or got broken up with in March. This year, she says, it's the same.

John Mayer’s (perfect boyfriend material by the way…stupid Jessica Simpson) song “St. Patrick’s Day” chronicles the love found in every holiday every month November through March. The kicker line, though, is “And we’ll both be safe ‘til St. Patrick’s Day.”

Clearly no one is safe any more – no matter what shield we may try to use!

D-hall Dinner Date was actually the first boy I’ve dated in a long time that I was actually interested in (sad, I know, but come on, there are only 40% at my school. And dating lame boys is more fun than not dating at all). Everything seemed to be going smoothly, and I was constantly humming John Mayer’s “City Love” or Ciara’s “C.R.U.S.H.” in my head.

There was no defining moment – I can’t blame it St. Patrick’s Day unfortunately – but things started to cool way down recently. I couldn’t figure out what happened, and he kept alternating between treating me like girlfriend and a friend who’s a girl. So I made a bold move, asking him as bluntly as possible (without sounding like a whiny second grader asking to check “yes” or “no”) whether or not he liked liked me. With a fairly obvious rejection, I mourned for a day for the relationship that would never get to bloom, and then got excited to move on (and be able to better focus on school work and the blog obviously).

Not two days later, he began to warm back up again: leaving me IMs, calling me (I couldn’t answer and didn’t return his call) and insisting I save for him a slice of apple pie that I had been making for my residents.

I had really tried to go into this hint of a relationship as sincerely as possible, with my clearest communication skills. And then I was shot down. And then I was picked back up, sort of. So I’m convinced he’s dating like five girls at the same time, he thinks I just make like, you know, a really cool friend, or he wants me to play hard-to-get.

Fine, D3, I’ll play your little game. After all, I now have the option of either being in a frolicking couple or noticing all the newly-single cute boys on campus – because it’s spring!