Act Like a Man

I love stumbling across blogs, written by people as nerdy and excited about one topic as I am.

Edward Keenan's Act Like a Man blog is an interesting read. Basically, his goal is to get "guys" to well...do the title.

Why do so many "guys" prefer not to be called "men," and shirk their responsibilities and be less romantic and miscommunicate with the girls they crush on? I always blamed it on the rise of feminism, but Ed (we're so totally on a first-name basis) thinks that's a totally lame excuse.

Recently, a cute boy asked me, "Are you a feminist?"

I said no. I think partially because I wanted him to like me. But also because I would have no problem staying home, cooking delicious food, and raising beautiful babies.

However, both the cute boy and good ol' Ed made me realize my wrong ways.

The definition of feminism is simply advocating equal political (and social) rights between men and women. Why yes! I DO want to be treated equally!

Well...almost. I want to be treated special. Because I get to have babies.

Not yet, obviously, and I would probably even like the chance at a career before that happens. And I want someone to help me make and make a home for those babies.

So, can I have a career and have some babies AND not emasculate my baby-making partner? Ed thinks so. Ed also thinks that partner should step it up.

I think I found a cute boy who is stepping it up. Oh no, am I actually dating a MAN!? Not a "guy?" Not simply a cute boy?

The Female Dog

Why do guys love bitches so much?

It seems counter-intuitive. No one likes a bitch. Except maybe other bitchy girls, because then they have someone else to bitch to and to bitch about. But the more I think about it, the more I realize guys really like those whiny, mean, jerk-face type of girls.

I remember very clearly an example from high school. It was summer time; we lived at the pool. One of my friends and I decided we should match up a third friend with this one guy we always saw at the pool (to this day this same friend is an obsessive match-maker). He had told me he was looking for a girl; she is such a sweetheart. Perfect match, right? Okay, we were young, whatever.

So four of us headed to the pool to meet him and his friends: the matchmaker and I, the match-ee, and our fourth friend. Now this fourth girl I love to DEATH - of course - but she, well, on multiple occasions she has cussed out or physically hit a guy who had been dating one of her friends (yup, happened to me. He probably deserved it). She doesn't exactly have a friendly, optimistic view about boys, to put it lightly.

Everything went well. We played a little water basketball, ordered a little pizza and did some chatting. Match-ee was her vaguely shy, adorable and flirtatious self. Non-friendly aggressively attacked the boys for um, being too aggressive with the basketball. And constantly made fun of them. But we all had a great time goofing around.

At the end of the day, the boy asked me about non-friendly! Poor little match-ee, with her cute smile and innocent actions, got left in the dust. He didn't even look twice at her. What the heck went wrong? Should she have been more, well, bitchy?

More recently, this guy has been pursuing my sister. Okay, like I'm totally surprised, she's a hottie, whatever. But this is her ex-boyfriend. She's broken up with him like three times already. Just yesterday he came over and their date activity of choice was...arguing. She was the one with the most curse words, the loudest voice, and the most blaming tone. She's a genius at that old stand-by: passive-aggressiveness. She came into the room where I was job-searching and very articulately said, "Someone won't leave. Even though I've told him to several times." And yet, today, he's still calling her. Begging for her to take him back. Promising that he'll do better. Better at what? The only thing he's guilty of is loving a bitch.

Today I had lunch with a friend who was just broken up with. She helped him write papers. She always hung out with his friends. She sat on the couch bored while he played video games. She was understanding when one of his exes kept texting him until four in the morning, looking for a hookup. And then he broke up with her because he "wasn't ready for a relationship." He didn't have to do anything, give up anything or even remotely try in this "relationship." She is the most loving and caring person I know - what if she had been more of a demanding bitch?

Watching various TV shows and movies, all I see are bitchy women. And of course the next scene features their boyfriends and husbands who complain about their nagging, demands, complaining, and all-around bitchiness. I decided long ago - after keeping a close eye on other couples, including my parents, and other fake media portrayals of couples - that a relationship has a greater chance for survival and true happiness the less the woman bitches.

But if men are truly more attracted to bitches, as they seem to be, do I have to become the bitch that no man wants but every one pursues? Is this connected to how boys only like the chase? How girls always want a bad boy?

So many relationship questions, so little time in my last end-of-semester break ever....

Boy-men

Knocked Up. It looked like a decent movie with a potentially slightly offensive (bold choice!) title. But then the critics started loving it. And now I can't wait to see it.

An excerpt from this New York Times article:

• "Mr. Apatow’s critique of contemporary mores is easy to miss — it is obscured as much by geniality as by profanity — but it is nonetheless severe and directed at the young men who make up the core of this film’s likely audience. The culture of sexual entitlement and compulsive consumption encourages men to remain boys, for whom women serve as bedmates and babysitters. Resistance requires the kind of quixotic heroism Steve Carell showed in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” or a life-changing accident, like Alison’s serendipitous pregnancy."

Interestingly, we talked about this in one of my media classes two semesters ago. Movies like Punch-Drunk Love, About a Boy, and Bridget Jones' Diary are all about these boy-men who need strong women to take care of/fix them.


(I am one of those women! I want to take care of/fix boy-men! I am trying to not let this happen anymore.)

I tried to bring this point up in a random conversation I had with a guy in a park today. (I love random conversations!) But being a 30-something guy who actually initiates conversations, he did not understand the lame mamma's-boys that are plaguing my girl-power raised generation.

Unless... is girl power making men mamma's boys?

When we shun a guy who, in a vain attempt at being an adult, vaguely cat-calls us, are we turning down the only guy in the vicinity who is not a boy-man? Who is actually brave enough to initiate a dating-like situation? Or, are we properly not encouraging him to continue to be a sexist pig?

Ah, the 21st Century's (no no this isn't even that new. It must have started with the first suffragettes, I don't know) conundrum: girl power/equality, or actually manly men?

Why my life is the exact opposite of Pink's "U+Ur Hand"

It's a catchy song. I even know a dance to it. You can find me attempting to belt the lyrics, but only in the privacy of my car with the volume knob cranked to the right.

On the other hand, it is awfully crass, and I generally don't approve of the use of "u" in place of "you," even when it saves space in a text. Plus, Pink is being awfully harsh to these boys! Other reasons why my life is the complete opposite of "U+Ur Hand:"

Check it out
Going out
On the late night
Looking tight
Feeling nice
It's a **** fight
I can tell
I just know
That it's going down
Tonight
At the door we don't wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That's when dick head put his hands on me
But you see

• Umm...we don't know them. Last time my girlfriends and I went into DC, we totally lucked out because we got valet parked right in front of the building and although it was raining, we got a spot in line underneath the awning. One of the bouncers asked us, "Are you on the guest list?" Uhh..no. How do you get on the guest list you ask? You sign up online. Fabulous. We really must do our sophisticated research.
• Six shots? Really, Pink, isn't that a little much? Anyway, I'm the last of my friends to turn 21.
  

Midnight
I'm drunk
I don't give a ***k
Wanna dance
By myself
Guess you're outta luck
Don't touch
Back up
I'm not the one
Buh bye
Listen up it's just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight
Aiight

• Please see age requirements, above.
• I do not mind for one second dancing by myself. In fact, I can be a lot more creative and have a lot more fun. But, Pink, if you really want to dance by yourself and only yourself, do it in your bedroom. I'm sure you have a fabulously-sized one with your own personal ballet barre and wall mirrors.

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

• I enjoy entertaining. Is this a bad thing?
• I would not be able to fight anyone or anything. In the middle of my high school graduation season, I got a call from a Marine recruiter. Instead of being ruthless and saying "not interested!" and hanging up as quickly as possible, I had an actual conversation with the guy. I admitted to him that even if somone gave me a gun and told me "you have to shoot this humanoid alien, or else he will kill you," I still don't think I could pull the trigger. It's hard enough for me to pick up a weapon even in a video game! Back in elementary school (I don't know how I remember this!) I had a dream that one of the guys in my class was being mean to me or something. I couldn't push him away. Luckily, my best friend at the time came over and kicked him in the balls for me. But seriously, how lame is that, that I couldn't even hurt a meanie in a dream?
• I may have been fine before you walked into my life, but who said it can't get better? Or be filled with more fun?
• And...that's just awkward. Sorry boys.

Sorry Pink? Does this make me a push-over? Or whatever the opposite of a feminist is? Ah well. I like boys. Just non-creepy clubbing ones, if you please.

More on Military Men

These past few weeks my crush that generally every girl has on a man in uniform has definitely become exponentially more serious.

Over spring break, one of my best and blondest girl friends went clubbing in DC (the night after we had just gone together) and met some cute boys there. They turned out to be marines, she had a fabulous time with them, and they invited her to come hang out with them on base. So on the last night of spring break I got a call: "Wanna go on an adventure??"

I was feeling melancholy because I had had no romantic adventures (thanks to D3 more or less standing me up...see Apple Pie below for more on that) over SPRING (see more on that below too!) break. I agreed to said adventure: "Heck yes!"

We drove and drove for a totally worthwhile time with these men who were so appreciative of female company that they were willing to you know, like, actually pay attention to us, and you know, like, treat us with respect.

They were cuddly while we were watching a movie and good leaders on the dance floor and clapped enthusiastically when we decided to sing "Friends in Low Places" for karaoke (yeah - ouch, bad choice).

And! When they said they would call us the next day, they actually did, even though I was back at school two hours away and they were back to training to defend our country.

Two weekends ago I returned to the DC clubs for another friend's totally glamorous - think leis, Wegman's catering, champagne toasts, and stretch Excursion limos - 21st birthday. We walked in our own private entrance (oh Fergie would be proud) and I turned to my friend: "I see military boys! I will dance with one of them by the end of the night!"

And so I did (I love being decisive). I think I sort of made the first move by dancing near him, catching eye contact, and moving in closer, but whatever. Somehow I - the ultimate non-feminist hater-of-forward-girls - have become an initiator. But I digress.

He was a fabulous dancer (the Naval Academy trains 'em well) and fun to laugh with on the techno floor, where the bass was so loud it took control of my heart beat. We exchanged numbers, I left him to find my friends, and he came up to say goodbye when it was time to leave. And then we texted pretty much the entire limo ride home. And he texted the next morning to say hello again!

Now, texting is not my favorite way of communication, but I'll take it. That is dedication to finding a girl and at least pretending to want to hold on to her for more than one night.

I've got a bluff for why these men are so gloriously manly.

At JMU, where at least 60% of the population is female, a guy seeing an attractive young lady is a multiple-times-a-day occurrence. I imagine they see something pleasing to the eye and think "Hmph. Great. Another hott girl. I'll wait to approach any of them 'til I find a drunk one though." (Okay, I embellished a little bit and did not give boys the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, there must be a sense of nonchalance).

In the marines or in Annapolis on the other hand, these poor guys are surrounded by, at the very least, probably 80% guys. So when they see a member of the fairer sex, they actually are in awe, or at least feel the need to appreciate them and really treat them as something special and precious - something to be revered.

Don't all girls deserve to be treated like that by all guys?

Then, last week, I was watching the news - of course I had read the headlines about the British marines and sailors being held captive and then freed by Iran - and saw a video of them arriving at Heathrow airport finally. The first thought by hormone-wired young-adult brain had was, "Oo military boys! With accents! So cute!"

And then it hit me. These boys who I have fallen in love with as a group are really men, who actually put themselves in danger, specifically to protect you and me, every day. I always knew in the back of my mind that guys my age are joining the military and that guys who join the military have to go overseas at some point to do the dirty work I don't like to think about. But I hadn't put the two - attraction and duty - together until that very moment.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For your service...

And for knowing how to date/treat girls almost just about right.