The Female Dog

Why do guys love bitches so much?

It seems counter-intuitive. No one likes a bitch. Except maybe other bitchy girls, because then they have someone else to bitch to and to bitch about. But the more I think about it, the more I realize guys really like those whiny, mean, jerk-face type of girls.

I remember very clearly an example from high school. It was summer time; we lived at the pool. One of my friends and I decided we should match up a third friend with this one guy we always saw at the pool (to this day this same friend is an obsessive match-maker). He had told me he was looking for a girl; she is such a sweetheart. Perfect match, right? Okay, we were young, whatever.

So four of us headed to the pool to meet him and his friends: the matchmaker and I, the match-ee, and our fourth friend. Now this fourth girl I love to DEATH - of course - but she, well, on multiple occasions she has cussed out or physically hit a guy who had been dating one of her friends (yup, happened to me. He probably deserved it). She doesn't exactly have a friendly, optimistic view about boys, to put it lightly.

Everything went well. We played a little water basketball, ordered a little pizza and did some chatting. Match-ee was her vaguely shy, adorable and flirtatious self. Non-friendly aggressively attacked the boys for um, being too aggressive with the basketball. And constantly made fun of them. But we all had a great time goofing around.

At the end of the day, the boy asked me about non-friendly! Poor little match-ee, with her cute smile and innocent actions, got left in the dust. He didn't even look twice at her. What the heck went wrong? Should she have been more, well, bitchy?

More recently, this guy has been pursuing my sister. Okay, like I'm totally surprised, she's a hottie, whatever. But this is her ex-boyfriend. She's broken up with him like three times already. Just yesterday he came over and their date activity of choice was...arguing. She was the one with the most curse words, the loudest voice, and the most blaming tone. She's a genius at that old stand-by: passive-aggressiveness. She came into the room where I was job-searching and very articulately said, "Someone won't leave. Even though I've told him to several times." And yet, today, he's still calling her. Begging for her to take him back. Promising that he'll do better. Better at what? The only thing he's guilty of is loving a bitch.

Today I had lunch with a friend who was just broken up with. She helped him write papers. She always hung out with his friends. She sat on the couch bored while he played video games. She was understanding when one of his exes kept texting him until four in the morning, looking for a hookup. And then he broke up with her because he "wasn't ready for a relationship." He didn't have to do anything, give up anything or even remotely try in this "relationship." She is the most loving and caring person I know - what if she had been more of a demanding bitch?

Watching various TV shows and movies, all I see are bitchy women. And of course the next scene features their boyfriends and husbands who complain about their nagging, demands, complaining, and all-around bitchiness. I decided long ago - after keeping a close eye on other couples, including my parents, and other fake media portrayals of couples - that a relationship has a greater chance for survival and true happiness the less the woman bitches.

But if men are truly more attracted to bitches, as they seem to be, do I have to become the bitch that no man wants but every one pursues? Is this connected to how boys only like the chase? How girls always want a bad boy?

So many relationship questions, so little time in my last end-of-semester break ever....