My parents met at work oh say, about 27 years ago. They dated for about three months until my dad's job got transferred to Orlando (they were in Virginia).
Well, it had only been three months, so they decided to break up. He was moving after all, they didn't want to do long distance, and the "timing" just seemed all wrong. Had they been dating any longer, maybe they would have considered an alternate solution. But both of them had stable jobs - just on different parts of the coast. Why worry about taking care of each other when they had to be in different places just to take care of themselves?
Within a month of being separate, they knew something was wrong. My mom was crying her eyes out every night. My dad sort of dated around but all the women seemed sketchy and lame, since it seemed the only thing to do in Orlando was bar hop.
Within two months, my dad was back up north, visiting family for Thanksgiving. But here is where their stories get a little muddy. My dad says they were engaged by November, but my mom doesn't remember being engaged during the Holidays - she said he asked her to marry her in February (Valentine's day? cute). They got married in May, so either three months or six months after they got engaged, and around a year after they started dating.
Later, my dad explained to me the confusion: he had made up his mind by November. Everything had been cleared up in his head, in his relationships, and his prayers: he knew he wanted to build a life with my mom by November.
Now I don't know what happened between knowing and asking (and even once he asked, according to my mom, there was no ring for a few weeks, a thing that all her girlfriends stupidly whined about). And I know this was 1981 and not 2008. And I know my mom was 25 and my dad was 27. And who knows what the difference in the definition of "marriage" is between then and now (that's a complicated enough topic for a whole separate blog!). And I know they have not had anywhere close to a perfect marriage.
But I DO know that I want to be with the bf. And I DO know that he invited me to move cross-country with him. And I DO know - and am confident in - the definition of love. And now I really know (and am not confused anymore) why my parents sort of support me (none of my friends believe my parents would let me do this).
(As long as I go into this with a clear head and open and honest communication and smarts) So do the other unknowns really matter all that much?
posting this so that Google doesn't think i'm 'inactive'
11 months ago
1 comment:
Clear head, open communication, mindful living, taking care of yourself (as in, not just tagging along and being dependent and not continuing to live and create aspects of life outside the relationship.)
And your parents probably support it because he's a good guy? And they can tell if he is good for you? My parents were totally against (or basically indifferent/ignored) most of the other guys I dated, until this one and then they're like, practically crushing on him themselves, in terms of knowing he's fantastic. My dad went so far as to project good qualities on boyf's unmet parents, painting a glowing image of C's dad who 'must have been a really good guy to take care of the children from C's mom's previous marriage', etc.
BTW I asked over on mine -- are you going to LA or SF this weekend? Send me an email if you wanna discuss!
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