A bumpersticker I saw today said

"Smile. It's the second-best thing you can do with your lips."

I smiled (it convinced me I guess), and giggled (out loud, then looked around with concern that anyone walking around in the parking lot who probably thought I was crazy), and then my thoughts automatically turned to what would be the first best thing to do with your lips.

Kissing came to my mind obviously. Then slightly dirtier things (hey, I'm just glad those thoughts didn't come first).

Of course I would think about the dating things you do with your mouth. But what about eating, talking (okay I guess you do this while dating too), singing, or making funny faces or something?

What is the best thing to do with your lips?

Size Matters

DearSugar had a poll the other day asking its readers if they preferred bulky boys or the skinny type, while today I read a New York Times article about the trend facing the fashion industry: increasingly thinning male models.

Coming from a girl who has dated on either extreme of the spectrum, I prefer something right in between (totally cliche, I know) too muscular and emo-boy skinny.

Looking at some of the weight-lifters in the gym even creep me out. Really? I'm glad they would be able to rescue their woman of choice, but I doubt a thousand-pound gorilla will be attacking their fair maiden any time soon. And the most muscular guy I've dated (and/or cared the most about how his muscles looked) was the most boring too.

This year I found myself in a weird trend of dating cross-country runners. Two weren't really that skinny (and had fantastic toned muscles), but the other was. And all I could think of when I was with him (and another skinny rockstar cigarette-smoking coffee-drinking "this is good for my image" type of guy I dated a few years back) was "Am I squishing him? Does he even find me feminine and attractive?"

When I polled some friends, of course the response was mixed:

"Really? I think it's gross. I prefer my boyfriend NOT to weigh less than me."

"I've never dated muscular guys. I prefer the skinny nerdy type."

"Well my boyfriend has a large frame, and he used to be obnoxiously skinny so it just looked WEIRD. Now he fits his frame better bug has some pudge. He says he's trying to work out more and I'm like GOOD. But I'm glad he's bigger than me."

It's like when I see a 5'1'' girl dating a 6'6'' guy - I get really angry and personally offended somehow. Leave the tall guys for the tall gals! - you can kind of just tell when a couple fits physically together. Maybe unfortunately the stereotype is that the men should be big enough to save us. So why is the fashion industry focusing on the measly male?

Alcohol

I'm starting to worry about myself.

The last three guys I've dated kissed me just fine sober(ish) for our first kiss(es). But then, for the second or third date/kissing opportunity, every single one of them got drunk before they became affectionate.

Am I that bad of a kisser? (I've been told the opposite.) Am I that unattractive? (I've been told the opposite.) Okay...Am I that intimidating?

Clearly it's not because I'm too humble! ha..ha..eesh. I hate boys.

"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." --Genesis 3:12

This is sincerely all I want to be.

Pheromones

I think they're stronger than we assume.

I read this fantastic article that my friend drew my attention to (Oh she knows my interests so well!). It had a lot to say about how science, genetics, carnal instinct, and dating culture all inter-relate.

Why do we like kissing? Because saliva helps us sense the best DNA to mingle our own with.

How do men become subconsciously more attracted to fertile, ovulating women? It's in our scent.

There must be some hormone I released once I was more single than usual lately (it's a long story about stupid boys who are stupidly far away and me being smart and sticking up for myself). After this bit of heartache, I wanted to take a break from boys, I really did. One of my informal New Year's resolutions was to put less emphasis on boys (including just flirting for flirting's sake and especially ESPECIALLY to not date another boy at JMU. They're just too lame).

But like I predicted, that resolution lasted for oh, about fifteen seconds. Not my fault!! Out of nowhere, boys - both old and new - came to bug me. (Who am I kidding? I love it.)

A guy I met at a bar over winter break invited me to come back up to DC for his birthday party.

Another (mmm...military) guy I met at a club like nine months ago IM-ed me out of nowhere. For some reason I have a special place in my heart for boys in Maryland.

One of my former hall mates, who I've always had an attraction to, revved up the flirting last week. (But apparently he's been revving with several girls recently.)

Last weekend I ran into a guy I dated sophomore year for a bit. He looked seriously good. And he said all the right things. And I questioned why I didn't hold onto him a little bit tighter back in the day.

And then tonight, I heard from some boy I met on the metro a couple summers ago. Random, not too flirty, but then he never was too obviously flirty. He invited me to do a stop-by visit if I was ever in DC.

Did they smell my pheromones - even though most of them are at least 100 miles away? Could they subconsciously tell I was trying to give up on them? Are they a distraction from my goal; a temptation to give it all up? Or are they a reminder that it's futile to stop caring about having a boy in my vicinity? It's our evolutionary goal in life, after all, to find a mate whose DNA will mix with ours to create the perfect offspring.

Maryland is calling my name. Not quite sure why. (Well, okay, perhaps it is because he came to visit. Him and some friends drove down to meet some friends and come to my roommate's birthday party. When I invited them, I had no idea they would actually come. But I am extremely glad they did; I had an amazingly fun time thankyouverymuch.) My friends and parents tell me I only like unavailable men. I suppose this includes the geographically unavailable. Of course he would - out of all the long-distance guys I could potentially date - have the strictest visiting schedule. But considering I refuse to date JMU guys the remainder of my time here, what other choice do I have but to travel?

Like I have commented on before, the military just trains good daters anyway. He is legitimately more respectful and attentive from 150 miles away than maybe any other guy has treated me.

Buttttt if I do hang out with the JMU guys who have reappeared, it doesn't count as breaking my resolution right? Since I have already dated them?

Eesh. Maybe I should go back to rejecting all boys.

Ha, yeah right. That time carnal instinct let that thought last only five seconds...

Hookah

Pursed between flushed lips
like a bulb in its socket
she lengthens her ribs to a triangle.
Its smell climbs
but doesn’t knuckle the nose
until the final ounce
escapes lungs and mouth
without need of a doorknob.
Passed to the chimney
whose lips last left moist residue.

She lifts a shoulder.
Bends a knee.
Undulates through to the hill-like hip.
Catching the highway to her ear,
a giggle produces a sinuous partner.
Then two
(knot-hair).
They lift choreographed ostrich legs.
Then three
(mole-cheek).
They descend to the floor like rodeo ropes,
paunches sucked in.

But the onrush breaks
for the smell alerts, addictive.
Pursed again, the mature call it mango
but memory rouses childhood days of cherry.

Deep Thoughts via AIM

I've been spending too much time on instant message lately. But it's been good research, and very thought-provoking.

I suppose, like me (let's be honest here) everyone can put a little more thought into what they're writing/typing than just b.s.-ing around.

A former resident: college life is fictional, its not real, nothing like the real world at all, trying to start a relationship in this fictional world doesnt work, it certainly wont last, so i say, wait until ur out of college, have a job in the REAL world, then make your moves

My roommate's boyfriend, when I thought I was talking to my roommate: seriously, you know what you should do? relax, and just have fun with the guy

When I told my match-maker friend about this comment:

My match-maker friend: lets do that
My match-maker friend: i've been a lot better about that recently, actually
My match-maker friend: but boys are way more fun when they do what you want them too

So true! But mean! And then (no joke), she preceeded to send me a facebook link of a picture to see if I thought this guy was cute, because he needs a date. Typical.

The Female Dog

Why do guys love bitches so much?

It seems counter-intuitive. No one likes a bitch. Except maybe other bitchy girls, because then they have someone else to bitch to and to bitch about. But the more I think about it, the more I realize guys really like those whiny, mean, jerk-face type of girls.

I remember very clearly an example from high school. It was summer time; we lived at the pool. One of my friends and I decided we should match up a third friend with this one guy we always saw at the pool (to this day this same friend is an obsessive match-maker). He had told me he was looking for a girl; she is such a sweetheart. Perfect match, right? Okay, we were young, whatever.

So four of us headed to the pool to meet him and his friends: the matchmaker and I, the match-ee, and our fourth friend. Now this fourth girl I love to DEATH - of course - but she, well, on multiple occasions she has cussed out or physically hit a guy who had been dating one of her friends (yup, happened to me. He probably deserved it). She doesn't exactly have a friendly, optimistic view about boys, to put it lightly.

Everything went well. We played a little water basketball, ordered a little pizza and did some chatting. Match-ee was her vaguely shy, adorable and flirtatious self. Non-friendly aggressively attacked the boys for um, being too aggressive with the basketball. And constantly made fun of them. But we all had a great time goofing around.

At the end of the day, the boy asked me about non-friendly! Poor little match-ee, with her cute smile and innocent actions, got left in the dust. He didn't even look twice at her. What the heck went wrong? Should she have been more, well, bitchy?

More recently, this guy has been pursuing my sister. Okay, like I'm totally surprised, she's a hottie, whatever. But this is her ex-boyfriend. She's broken up with him like three times already. Just yesterday he came over and their date activity of choice was...arguing. She was the one with the most curse words, the loudest voice, and the most blaming tone. She's a genius at that old stand-by: passive-aggressiveness. She came into the room where I was job-searching and very articulately said, "Someone won't leave. Even though I've told him to several times." And yet, today, he's still calling her. Begging for her to take him back. Promising that he'll do better. Better at what? The only thing he's guilty of is loving a bitch.

Today I had lunch with a friend who was just broken up with. She helped him write papers. She always hung out with his friends. She sat on the couch bored while he played video games. She was understanding when one of his exes kept texting him until four in the morning, looking for a hookup. And then he broke up with her because he "wasn't ready for a relationship." He didn't have to do anything, give up anything or even remotely try in this "relationship." She is the most loving and caring person I know - what if she had been more of a demanding bitch?

Watching various TV shows and movies, all I see are bitchy women. And of course the next scene features their boyfriends and husbands who complain about their nagging, demands, complaining, and all-around bitchiness. I decided long ago - after keeping a close eye on other couples, including my parents, and other fake media portrayals of couples - that a relationship has a greater chance for survival and true happiness the less the woman bitches.

But if men are truly more attracted to bitches, as they seem to be, do I have to become the bitch that no man wants but every one pursues? Is this connected to how boys only like the chase? How girls always want a bad boy?

So many relationship questions, so little time in my last end-of-semester break ever....