I mentioned in my last post that I've only ever been on one date in my college career (thus far...keeping my fingers crossed). This is not exactly true. Whether or not it is actually true, I guess, depends on your definition of a date.
According to dictionary.com, a "date" is
"7.a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night."
While this is true, I think the common use of the term connotes another key ingredient to this whole "dating" thing: feelings/hopes/assumptions of romance.
For many girls I know, whether or not to label a "social appointment" as a date also depends on location. The stereotype of a "real" date is found in movies, TV, and mostly nostalgic ideas of what the 1950s were like: boy meets girl; boy invites girl to dinner by candle light; boy pays for girl.
At JMU, I have arranged "social engagements" with an uncountable number of guys. Most of the time, both of us agree that it is not romantic in nature. A few times, the romance has been felt on one of our sides, but not the other. These are undoubtedly not anyone's ideal "date," not just because of the question of romance, but also the location.
Everyone has to eat, and everyone loves the gloriosity (yeah, so I made up a word, but it's worth it) of D-hall. I have lots of guy friends, and we go to dinner together at D-hall all the time. These are not a dates. D-hall, although lovable, is generally not the most romantic location. The boys do not pay, since I have my own meal plan to use. However, there have been a few occasions where the D-hall date has had the potential of being... a "real" "date."
The first one was my freshman year, via facebook/a mutual friend. He was an older man in an a cappella group (ohhh musicians), and was quite tall. We missed each other the first time, when I was running late and dragging friends with me out of fear of a horror-story situation. The second time, we actually met up, had a decent lunch, some flirting ensued afterwards (he had been in my building visiting the mutual friend while I was out, and they got on my computer and left me scandalous/flirty/hilarious messages via the post-it note program I have on my desktop), but then I never really heard from him after that. I guess it just fizzled. We still see each other awkwardly at random dance parties, where we kind of pretend like we're flirting and it's good to see each other, but we both know that's not really true.
Last year, I had the biggest crush on hottie-across-the-hall (for more recent stuff on him, please see old blog). After we had one particularly amazing night dancing together, we decided to go to dinner. As my suitemates could tell you, after we agreed on a night and time, I bounded into their room squealing like the annoying giddy girl I am. I actually got nervous and planned a cute outfit for this D-hall date. But we went, had sort of awkward conversation that was not at all parallel to the chemistry we shared on the dance floor, ran into hall mates that looked at us quizzically and then quickly began chiding us, and then parted ways after D-hall with no real conclusion or promise of continuation.
This year, I went with a facebook/aim admirer I had (yeah, these all sound like bad ideas, don't they?), against my better judgment. I actually tried to be as unattractive and annoying as possible, instead of just communicating clearly that I was not interested in dating him. Oh well.
And tonight....ohhhh tonight...I have a D-hall date with the cutie I met this weekend. I am nervous, and that is silly. I just hope it turns out better than my last three D-hall "dates."
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Gentlemen...
...Where are they?
Supposedly they are either further south or are fighting overseas somewhere.
My mom and her coworker have been conspiring all over Winter Break to get me together with the coworkers "third son," who happens to be friends with my old coworker (who is my mom's coworker's son....are you following this?) and who also happens to be an ROTC boy at a big southern university.
I am not against finding more people to date, especially during what feels like a dry spell of not being constantly surrounded by other college students. However, the more these ladies I love were forcing this arrangement on me, the more uncomfortable I felt. Maybe unnatural is the better word. It felt unnatural to me - I want to be able to do my own dating dirty work!
We finally hung out in a group few nights ago, and yes, he was everything my mom promised he would be - even though I threw a tantrum before hand claiming that he went to a school so far away and since break is over in about three days it was "pointless." Yes, it was a silly argument - and maybe even more. The two boys paid for the three girls that were tagging along with them, and none of whom they were dating.
If that doesn't say southern gentlemanly charm, I don't know what does.
On the other hand, should I be so surprised? Shouldn't I expect, nay, demand such treatment?
I remember around this time last year I went on what may end up being my only real date of my college career. He opened the car door for me when he came to pick me up, when we got to the restaurant, and on the way back. I was flabbergasted, and wouldn't stop bragging to all my girlfriends about this rare find. Why don't more boys do this? And why do girls let the boys who don't get away with it? Should I blame it on women's lib? Yes, I would like a career and to be respected, but I would also like to feel special and dainty! Where is the balance?
This boy was from a slightly more southern city of Virginia and was as tall, if not taller, as ROTC boy, but there similarities end. What is it that makes these boys special? And what is it about them that does not get a spark out of me other than being impressed by their good manners?
I got slightly bored with door-opening boy after our like fifth date. And it was harder to tell with ROTC boy, since we were in a larger group, but I didn't feel an earth-shattering attraction to him like my mom promised I would (this is not to say he was unattractive. In fact, he was quite the hottie). Maybe I was closing myself off from him because of the potential long-distance thing. Or maybe it was the fact that the former coworker, who has a girlfriend, had me laughing up a storm all night.Why? Why didn't I latch on and hold on tight to either of these boys? Are there any musician/comedians who also have a gentlemanly side?
And most importantly, where do I find them? This is the source of all my troubles, and the thing me and my girlfriends talk the most about. Maybe if I wasn't such a girly girl I would actually surround myself with more new and exciting boys to play with.
Or maybe I'll just move south.
Supposedly they are either further south or are fighting overseas somewhere.
My mom and her coworker have been conspiring all over Winter Break to get me together with the coworkers "third son," who happens to be friends with my old coworker (who is my mom's coworker's son....are you following this?) and who also happens to be an ROTC boy at a big southern university.
I am not against finding more people to date, especially during what feels like a dry spell of not being constantly surrounded by other college students. However, the more these ladies I love were forcing this arrangement on me, the more uncomfortable I felt. Maybe unnatural is the better word. It felt unnatural to me - I want to be able to do my own dating dirty work!
We finally hung out in a group few nights ago, and yes, he was everything my mom promised he would be - even though I threw a tantrum before hand claiming that he went to a school so far away and since break is over in about three days it was "pointless." Yes, it was a silly argument - and maybe even more. The two boys paid for the three girls that were tagging along with them, and none of whom they were dating.
If that doesn't say southern gentlemanly charm, I don't know what does.
On the other hand, should I be so surprised? Shouldn't I expect, nay, demand such treatment?
I remember around this time last year I went on what may end up being my only real date of my college career. He opened the car door for me when he came to pick me up, when we got to the restaurant, and on the way back. I was flabbergasted, and wouldn't stop bragging to all my girlfriends about this rare find. Why don't more boys do this? And why do girls let the boys who don't get away with it? Should I blame it on women's lib? Yes, I would like a career and to be respected, but I would also like to feel special and dainty! Where is the balance?
This boy was from a slightly more southern city of Virginia and was as tall, if not taller, as ROTC boy, but there similarities end. What is it that makes these boys special? And what is it about them that does not get a spark out of me other than being impressed by their good manners?
I got slightly bored with door-opening boy after our like fifth date. And it was harder to tell with ROTC boy, since we were in a larger group, but I didn't feel an earth-shattering attraction to him like my mom promised I would (this is not to say he was unattractive. In fact, he was quite the hottie). Maybe I was closing myself off from him because of the potential long-distance thing. Or maybe it was the fact that the former coworker, who has a girlfriend, had me laughing up a storm all night.Why? Why didn't I latch on and hold on tight to either of these boys? Are there any musician/comedians who also have a gentlemanly side?
And most importantly, where do I find them? This is the source of all my troubles, and the thing me and my girlfriends talk the most about. Maybe if I wasn't such a girly girl I would actually surround myself with more new and exciting boys to play with.
Or maybe I'll just move south.
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