Brilliant Thoughts ... by My Dad

"Love is almost too precious to take the chance of giving it up."

Isn't he great?

Leaving... by Giselle

I know Giselle from dance (get the pseudonym yet? No?) and work. Together, we are a creative force not to be messed with. And talk about boys a little too much. I love her! You should love her too.

I’m not sure if it’s because my iPod is full of shaggy haired boys playing slow acoustic guitar and singing about unrequited love or if it’s because I had just left a certain shaggy haired, guitar playing boy behind...but I could not find a single song on my long drive home from Harrisonburg tonight that made me happy.

Who am I kidding, the latter is most definitely the reason for that.

For my fellow fans of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, you might recall Lena and Kostos’ meeting in Greece at the end of the final book, Forever in Blue. Kostos is Lena’s ‘person’. You know, the someone you can’t get past despite anyone else…

…Sound familiar to anyone? Anyone?

Sorry, I digress.

Life had separated the two for months, and when they finally chance meet again, it’s the day before Kostos has to leave the country. They spend the night in their special place- an orchard at the top of the village- and when the sun starts to rise in the morning and they hold each other for the last time, he whispers to her a word in Greek that she doesn’t understand.

“κάποια”.

Lena seaches every English/Greek dictionary she can find, she asks her grandparents, her cousins, her aunts and uncles, but no one seems to know the word that she means.

Finally, on her last day in Greece she finds it in an old dictionary.

“Someday”.

Did I expect anything like that? Oh no.

But I can’t decide what I DID expect.

Experience and reason should leave me without expectation when it comes to this boy. But experience and reason should have taught me a LOT about him, and without fail, despite experience…and reason…something always brings me back to him.

Today was full of packing and loading and hauling and moving…so needless to say, by 7:00 tonight I was physically exhausted. And then there was the packing and loading and hauling and moving help that I received from shaggy haired, guitar playing boy- the very same shaggy haired, guitar playing boy who left my bed earlier that morning with a kiss goodbye- but when everything was packed and loaded and hauled and moved, and it came down to the ACTUAL goodbye, the REAL ending, I got a one armed hug and a “see you when you visit the beach this summer”. Now, I didn’t expect much, but I expected more that that.

… needless to say, by 7:00 tonight I was emotionally exhausted.

I sat across from my mom at Applebees, picked at my salad and tried not to cry. And after a while of staring at my pathetic-ness she said, “When did you become such a wimp? What in this 2-year-long friendship, or relationship or whatever makes it impossible for you to say how you really feel? That’s not you.” And of course, she’s right.

With Chicago Boy last summer, I promised myself I wouldn’t get attached.

Sound familiar?

I promised to let it be a physical thing only.

Sound familiar?

I promised to not expect anything and go with the flow and let what happened happen.

Sound familiar?

And then came the end of the summer, and the anxiety of leaving him behind, and knowing I didn’t want to be without him and having the conversation I knew I had to have and the resulting relationship and that was me. That was me telling him how I felt and getting what I wanted and being real.

But for some reason I cant say those things to Shaggy Boy. I can’t even ask him to say those things or prompt him to say anything at all. I never say anything I want to say or anything I mean. And I don’t know if it’s because I never know where I stand, or because I think I know where I stand and it’s not where I want to be standing, or because I think I’m more invested than he is or what, but I didn’t say anything. I drove away from JMU for the summer and from him for who knows how long and I pretended to be content with that one armed hug, and despite attempts to drown my sorrows in a Sheetz milkshake and cheese fries, I cried all the way up 81.

So here it goes- what I might have said if I had any courage or any faith or any hope:

“Maybe, κάποια?”

I obviously think this guy is lame. You should too...

One of the weird things about being in love

Is that all those really crappy Top 40 songs that you used to roll your eyes at or made you turn away and shutter ... now you love. And turn the volume knob clockwise to "blast." Only when you're alone, of course, because if your lover knew you felt that way (about the song, not him) it would just be awkward. And your friends would think you're just bragging.

But really, you're just enjoying the endorphins of being in love.

Sensitive Boys ... by Island Girl

Island Girl is one of my best friends from high school and we've been lucky enough to remain close and at the same college. I love her! You should love her too:

Call it a tragedy, but I always fall for sensitive boys. They tell me their feelings and we frolic in the land of emotion together. Eww. It's disgusting, and sadly I think I've subconsciously programmed myself to hone in on these boys.

It makes sense though. Women were created to be nurturers; we are loving and caring creatures. Attentive to the problems of the weary and the sad in spirit. Call me a Suzie Sunshine, but I love making people happy, cheering up their day, and putting a smile on their face.

Sensitive nice guys love this about women like myself and whether or not they know it, they enjoy it selfishly. I can't generalize, but most sensitive guys I've come across are only concerned about one thing- using you as an outlet to express their problems and feelings.

Obviously they can't express their feelings to their bros because that'd be emasculating, so they come running to the Suzie Sunshine in their life, pull up a chair, bring the tissues and dish.

I asked one of my good girl friends why she thought I was attracted to these kind of guys and why they were to me.

"You're a problem solver. You like to fix things. Guys come to you with their problems, you listen and offer advice."

ah-ha! So, those sensitive guys fill my need to be needed and I fill their need to be listened to. It seems so simple and black and white, but feelings always get involved and mix things up.

Prime example:

I had developed a friendship/relationship with this guy and we became pretty close. Our friendship developed during a time when he was having a hard time with his emotionally void girlfriend and I provided an outlet for his emotional needs.

This was the perfect situation for a Suzie Sunshine like me: This boy needed me! I loved being able to be there for him. Needless to say, I fell hard for this boy.

This went on for three months; then, nothing.

He broke up with his girlfriend, which I coached him through (ugh, so pathetic, I know), and all of a sudden, he didn't need me anymore.

humph.

Being the emotionally eager individual I am, I didn't realize his selfish demeanor until he IM'ed me last night

emotionally needy boy: we never talk anymore :(

(a month and a half since we've talked)

We talked about HIS day, how HE was doing, how stressful school was going for Him, etc. Common theme: All we talked about was him. Honestly, not once in an hour and a half did he ask a single question about me.

I'm not mad at him, or the situation. I just think its funny and maybe a little eye opening. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he was intentionally being selfish, but I certainly don't want to play these games anymore, it's too emotionally frustrating.

I love forming emotional connections with the opposite sex, but it comes with dangerous territory.

My problem now is this: how do I emotionally connect with a guy in a way that doesn't drag me down or better yet, how do I stop emotionally investing in someone who won't invest back?

Guest Bloggers...

...Seem to be the perfect solution until I graduate and don't have homework any more and can actually be a good, consistent blogger.

Plus I'm trying to figure out how I actually want to write about my new man, or if I want to, and he knows I write one and I challenged him to find it. So, he's probably reading it like right....now.

Maybe by reading how crazy my friends are about boys you'll understand how we all fuel each other.

Act Like a Man

I love stumbling across blogs, written by people as nerdy and excited about one topic as I am.

Edward Keenan's Act Like a Man blog is an interesting read. Basically, his goal is to get "guys" to well...do the title.

Why do so many "guys" prefer not to be called "men," and shirk their responsibilities and be less romantic and miscommunicate with the girls they crush on? I always blamed it on the rise of feminism, but Ed (we're so totally on a first-name basis) thinks that's a totally lame excuse.

Recently, a cute boy asked me, "Are you a feminist?"

I said no. I think partially because I wanted him to like me. But also because I would have no problem staying home, cooking delicious food, and raising beautiful babies.

However, both the cute boy and good ol' Ed made me realize my wrong ways.

The definition of feminism is simply advocating equal political (and social) rights between men and women. Why yes! I DO want to be treated equally!

Well...almost. I want to be treated special. Because I get to have babies.

Not yet, obviously, and I would probably even like the chance at a career before that happens. And I want someone to help me make and make a home for those babies.

So, can I have a career and have some babies AND not emasculate my baby-making partner? Ed thinks so. Ed also thinks that partner should step it up.

I think I found a cute boy who is stepping it up. Oh no, am I actually dating a MAN!? Not a "guy?" Not simply a cute boy?

Best date idea ever....

And by "idea," I mean, this actually happened. His idea.

We wrote a song and then recorded it.

It's the perfect date - active, creative, CHEAP (well, if you already have a guitar and/or recording software I suppose), and still plenty of opportunity for flirting and/or chemistry and/or double-entendres in the lyrics.

Holla. Why do I have to graduate now that I may or may not have found a decent JMU guy?